I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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