I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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