He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize