I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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