a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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