i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
