i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
