kristin has been a bad kristin
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
