I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
