1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
