watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize