nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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