I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
