help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
