Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize