I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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