I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You are a genius and a whore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
