You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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