I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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