I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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