just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
