this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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