TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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