pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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