How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't deserve a penis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
