the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
