Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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