Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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