Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
