Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
