fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
