My first STD was from a foam party
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize