Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
