dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
