Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
