I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
