I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
