My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
