i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
