He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
