You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
