I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
