ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
