she looked like the before picture.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
