Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
