Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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