On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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