Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
handjob tips. give me some.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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