recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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