Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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