Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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