I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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