We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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