this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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