T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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