I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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