he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
