Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
