go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
