lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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