Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
