We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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