Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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