You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
