nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
