you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
