I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
