what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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