My friends, they love my intelligence
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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