i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
