i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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