He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
