even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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