She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Still dying that you shit outside
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
