The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
