Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
