i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
