i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
